Dr. Henry Venter's Blog

We live in a world that’s inundated with quantity, but is sadly lacking in quality. As the people on earth multiply it seems as if there’s such a mad rush to supply all their needs that it is easily forgotten to supply quality. Gone are the days where someone took pride in how they made something – it’s now about how fast and how many we can produce in the least amount of time. Three reasons are responsible: lack of responsibility; no accountability, and uninspiring leaders.

• Responsibility and accountability has flown the coup – it’s gone!
The other day I made use of a company’s complaint line in desperation after weeks of not being able to conclude a simple transaction. I received an email that started off with the words: “As our valued customer you are very important to us.” Unfortunately, at the bottom of the email it also stated, “This is an automated message. Please do not respond to it.” Well, I didn’t, but neither did they. To this day no living person has followed up on that message to this “valued and important customer.”

• No one wants to be accountable.
In a recent article in the New York Times a journalist eloquently captured this trend in a piece about who’s to blame for the financial crisis in America (and some other parts of the world). The answer? No one! Experts he talked to hold the notion that no one could see it coming, regardless of the fact that financial analysts now look back and pinpoint where companies started to take ridiculous risks such as selling expensive homes to people without verifying their income. And then structuring the loans to escalate in repayment within a few years way above what the buyers could afford. We live in a world where you can’t even trust your financial adviser to responsibly invest your money. That pipedream went the way of people like Bernie Madoff who fraudulently embezzled billions from his trusted customers, even from his closest friends.

• Uninspiring leaders.
Democratically elected officials turned out to be another disappointment. Often it is those who run their campaigns on the basis of family values that have been shown to be the very people that had no family values and morals. And yet, it seems as if there is no end to the unscrupulous and opportunistic people seeking power. Looking around at business and political leaders today few people are inspired. In fact, looking at voter participation we have given up voting – often less than 50 % of the people actually vote.

How can we save the world?
With new leaders! There is truly a need for a new kind of person, for a new kind of leader. There’s a need for people that can be trusted, whose word is their honor, who are willing to take responsibility and lead in a new way. The world is anxiously looking for trusted visionary and inspirational leaders. Inspirational leaders are people that can transform their world, their school, their city, their state, their country and their neighborhood – wherever they emerge they produce solutions that inspire people. They are people with passion, compassion, and character. Visionary leaders are able to show the path to others, to help people prepare for the future, and bring hope and faith. That leader could be you!

And now I would like to invite you to claim your FREE Ebook, “Six Vital Steps to Develop Inspirational and Visionary Leadership” when you visit our home page! In addition, you will also have access to several audio recordings and Podcasts all free.

From Henry J. Venter, Ph.D., psychologist, university professor, speaker, and author.

THE WORLD NEEDS YOU!

We live in a world that’s inundated with quantity, but is sadly lacking in quality. As the people on earth multiply it seems as if there’s such a mad rush to supply all their needs that it is easily forgotten to supply quality. Gone are the days where someone took pride in how they made something – it’s now about how fast and how many we can produce in the least amount of time.

Responsibility and accountability has flown the coup – it’s gone! Companies will now easily blame you for mistakes instead of taking responsibility. The other day I made use of a company’s complaint line in desperation after weeks of not being able to conclude a simple transaction. I received an email that started off with the words: “As our valued customer you are very important to us.” Unfortunately, at the bottom of the email it also stated, “This is an automated message. Please do not respond to it.” Well, I didn’t, but neither did they. To this day no living person has followed up on that message to this “valued and important customer.”

In a recent article in the New York Times a journalist eloquently captured this trend in a piece about who’s to blame for the financial crisis in America (and some other parts of the world). The answer? No one! Experts he talked to held the notion that no one could see it coming, regardless of the fact that financial analysts now look back and pinpoint where companies started to take ridiculous risks such as selling expensive homes to people without verifying their income. And then structuring the loan to escalate in repayment within a few years way above what the buyers could afford. We live in a world where you can’t even trust your financial adviser to responsibly invest your money. That pipedream went the way of people like Bernie Madoff who fraudulently embezzled billions from his trusted customers, some with whom he was close friends.

Democratically elected officials turned out to be another disappointment. Often it is those who run their campaigns on the basis of family values that have been shown to be the very people that had no family values and morals. And yet, it seems as if there is no end to the unscrupulous and opportunistic people seeking power. Looking around at business and political leaders today few people are inspired. In fact, looking at voter participation we have given up voting – often less than 50 % of the people actually vote.

There is truly a need for a new kind of person, for a kind of leader. There’s a need for people that can be trusted, whose word is their honor, who are willing to take responsibility and lead in a new way. The world is anxiously looking for trusted visionary and inspirational leaders. Inspirational leaders are people that can transform their world, their school, their city, their state, their country and their neighborhood – wherever they emerge they produce solutions that inspire people. They are people with passion, compassion, and character. Visionary leaders are able to show the path to others, to help people prepare for the future, and bring hope and faith. That leader could be you!

On April 22nd I will present a workshop in Los Angeles at Azusa Fest on how you can develop and foster inspirational and visionary leadership. The Azusa Street Revival was an historic revival that took place in Los Angeles, California. It began with a meeting on April 14, 1906, and continued until roughly 1915. Today, the revival is considered by historians to be the primary catalyst for a major spread of revival the world over in the 20th century. Pastor Fred and Wilma Berry now run the Azusa mission on the very site of this revival. Every year they present Azusa Fest, a time of teaching and spiritual renewal. I will talk about the six vital keys for the development of this kind of leadership in your life. If you want to attend just click on the link below to register. For those of you who can’t attend I will have the eBook available after the presentation and you will be able to instantly download it. The world is in need of visionary and inspirational leaders – let us become those leaders!

Click here to register for The Azusa Festival!

Henry J. Venter Ph.D.

It is no secret that distress in marriage is often a result of one or both partners having a demanding career. “We never see each other,” “It’s always work, work, work!” and “He’s never home,” or “She’s never home,” are some of the well-known opening complaints regarding relationships when couples seek help. One thing is for sure – there is nothing as fulfilling as a close, healthy, and thriving marriage, but, it is also one of the most painful experiences if a marriage develops problems. It is estimated that 67% of first marriages end in divorce with half occurring in the first seven years of marriage. There are many factors contributing to the demise of a relationship such as substance abuse, health problems, extramarital affairs and child rearing. One of the main culprits cited by couples seeking help is work – one, or both, of the partners work too long hours, is too busy, is too distracted, or is hardly ever home. Does that mean that the marriages of all busy professionals are doomed to failure? Absolutely not! But, if a couple does not consistently take the right steps then any relationship can begin to suffer.

SIGNS OF DISTRESS
Signs that one’s marital relationship is beginning to suffer are numerous and differ from couple to couple (you need not be legally married to have “marital distress” – any serious, long-term, and committed relationship can experience major distress). There are a few universal signs of distress that should serve as warning signals:
• Disconnectedness from one another;
• Poor or no communication;
• Withdrawal from one another;
• Frequent arguments with no solution;
• Criticism;
• Loss of intimacy, romance and sex.

It is a fact of life that at one point or another one or both people in a marriage will have to hunker down and work long hours in order to cement a career path or to ensure financial security for the family. And there is nothing wrong with working hard and becoming successful as a professional. It is also equally true that if a couple knows how to deal with this situation, the relationship can survive and thrive regardless of demanding careers.

The hundreds of couples that I counseled over the years all had one pressing question – “Is there a ‘magical’ solution to our problems?” My answer – YES! There is indeed one thing partners in a relationship can do to ensure that their relationship stays rock solid regardless of demands such as a growing family or demanding career. The solution lies in the very reason people became a couple, fell in love, and formed a bond in the first place. Most people start a relationship because they are attracted to one another and then become friends. It is the powerful force of friendship that draws a couple together. Friendship is also the first major component of a relationship that gets lost in a busy life. Restoring it can re-fuel any marriage with love, passion, and compassion.

The Webster Dictionary defines friendship as a relationship where one is attached to another by affection. It elaborates by explaining that a friend is a favored companion. It is this kind of friendly affection that brings two people together. A special connection develops and soon there’s a bond, then romance, lots of passion, followed by a big ol’ ring and the relationship becomes permanent. When things get hectic and busy in later years because of increasing demands such as demanding careers, raising a family, or running a home, this bond is often the first to suffer. And if friendship suffers, so does romance and passion, and soon the relationship is stale, stagnant, and in distress.

If friendship is the “magic potion” to safeguard a relationship against stagnation and distress, what exactly must a couple do to maintain and sustain their friendship? There are three things a couple should do to safeguard their relationship against possible harm:

1. Spend time together
People become friends by sharing time with one another. A couple must have periods where they are actively engaged in just one another, where it is about them and not a discussion about the business of their life. Doing simple things together such as having a regular time to drink coffee or tea for a few minutes can do wonders for a relationship. Running a home together, talking about the PG&E bill, or the children’s T-ball practice is not spending time together. It has to be a few minutes or an hour where the couple can focus on each other.

2. Do things together
Rediscover what your partner likes and arrange to do it. The opera is in town and your partner loves it – buy tickets; a walk on the beach is the ultimate pleasure for the other – plan for a one day break and go. When a couple does things together they naturally begin to talk with one another and grow closer (remember, this is what took place in the beginning of the relationship and you could not get enough of it!) Take a walk in the park together, go bike riding together, go out for the afternoon, the evening, or the whole the day; just begin to do things together again.

3. Have fun together
Do something that both of you enjoy. It’s while having fun together that a couple laughs again. And if you have fun with someone, you naturally want to spend more time with that person. Laugh with someone and soon the special bond of friendship begins to blossom. A while ago my wife and I attended a concert at a theater in our town that also serves dinner. The artist sang songs from way back when, even songs our parents’ grew up with. The audience was fantastic, the music nostalgic, and it turned out to be the most fun we had together in a long time. We forgot about work, children, and business responsibilities and just had fun together.

Doing the above three things will draw a couple closer, making them more intimate and closer. They begin to enjoy each other again, touch one another, and talk to each other, in short, they become companions. The closeness and intimacy sets the table for romance and passion to blossom – it will flow naturally out of the closeness and intimacy that comes from sharing time together and having fun with each other. Doing this can make the “magic” of friendship last a lifetime.

PLANNING
To do these three things in a busy life and career is difficult, but not impossible. A simple key will ensure it takes place – planning. Busy professionals often succeed because they can plan meticulously; they make time for important tasks in their lives and therefore succeed. Spending time together and doing something enjoyable together as a couple does not happen by itself. Waiting for time to become available to do things together is simply not going to happen. A couple needs to plan together to do something enjoyable on a regular basis. Planning means schedule it; make time – write it in your planner, type it into your Blackberry or iPhone, but PLAN for it. It works so well because to plan, you have to think about one another, think about the relationship, think about spending time together, and this makes the relationship a focus in your life. And what you focus on is what you are going to succeed in.

Dr. Henry Venter is a psychologist, psychology professor, and author of the Ultimate Success Guide, a transformational change program for couples and individuals. You can read more at www.ginomaicc.com. You can also email him at ginomaicc@gmail.com.

The year 2009 was marked by the frantic efforts of healthcare to combat the H1N1 pandemic (many disagree that it is really a pandemic, but that’s another topic). A mad dash took place (and billions of dollars spent) to create an antivirus. There is, however, a condition that is more dangerous than the H1N1 virus – LONELINESS. Research shows it is indeed already a pandemic (meaning it has already spread across the world).

Research published in the December 2009 issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggests that lonely people are not only socially isolated, but they tend to develop a negative belief towards everyone and anyone, thereby exacerbating their loneliness. They simply begin to view the whole world as negative. The problem is therefore not merely loneliness, but a negative mindset that slowly cuts one from anything that’s positive. And it’s not healthy – loneliness has been linked to various psychological and physical illnesses. Depression, colds, and flu’s are more prominent among lonely people.

We can each help one another to repair and build our social networks – it’s not only healthy for the lonely person, it’s healthy for all of us. Let’s make this a year to reach out to someone that lost trust in society, someone that does not expect friendliness from anyone, someone caught up in a pattern of social isolation. We all see them around us. Their cure is YOU. We are created and designed to be social – and to take care of one another.

The amazing fact is that the cure for loneliness is not an expensive antivirus – it’s simply a kind act on our part to reach out to someone that is drifting on their own. Call that person, send an email, pop a text, stop at their desk and say hello – change their world…and change yours.

Make 2010 the year to break loneliness.

Read more at my homepage – www.ginomaicc.com

My best towards your health and happiness

Dr. Henry

In my previous blog I said that Hopelessness is the big threat of the 21st Century, even bigger that an economic recession. That is because hopelessness can attack you even if you are doing well by al material standards. So, what is the antithesis of hopelessness?

Hope!

It is not effective enough to simply block hopelessness and break its vicious cycle, (see my previous article) you have to establish a stronghold of hope in your life.

The power of hope is that it becomes a source of ongoing positive power. It’s different from just thinking positive or making positive statements; your foundation becomes positive because you know that you are more than an afterthought in this life – there has been special design and purpose in your creation and your life has purpose. It’s having the faith that something good is going to come out of my life, regardless of any current challenges.

The biggest problem facing the 21st century is not the threat of terrorism, the economic recession, or what do about health care. Rather it is the prevailing sense of hopelessness that have invaded our minds and trapped us into a way of thinking that blocks us from our full potential.

In his online self help eBook Be Your Own Therapist- Whoever You Hire Is Just Your Assistant, © 1995, psychotherapist Thayer White, MA MFT, a therapist with over 23 years experience in the areas of therapy and self-growth and a past president of the San Francisco Chapter of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, says that hopelessness is a crucial psychological problem.

Once hopelessness ensnares a person, it is easy to lose your way and direction. White states that it is then that we begin to say, “This is a bigoted society that stacks all the cards against me. There is no way I can get ahead.” He reasons that hopelessness is often compounded by a belief in entitlement: “In whatever ways I feel bad, the government/ society should fix.” In other words, now that I’m in this position of hopelessness someone should rescue me. Someone suffering from hopelessness becomes a victim of a negative reasoning pattern and as a result, gives up without even trying (or seeing) possibilities that can have positive outcomes for their problems.

We live in a worldwide society that is increasingly losing hope. The last foothold, the remaining anchor for many, was the economy — and that has spectacularly failed over the last year. In addition, the current political system worldwide gives very little security to anyone. In light of so many things going wrong in the world hopelessness has struck deep into the core of both young and old…and the world looks dark and bleak. How can you get yourself out of this quagmire of hopelessness? How can you, in these uncertain times, remain secure, steadfast, and calm?

It is possible for you to do! I have the answer here in my article, How to Conquer Hopelessness: 5 Steps to Break the Pattern of Despair and Negative Thinking.

My best wished to you my friends,
Dr. Henry Venter

Welcome to my blog.

What drives me is to empower people to discover their dream. Everyone of us have a dream, a purpose, a goal, a meaning that we are created to fulfill. However, numerous obstacles, events, and circumstances often prevent us from reaching that point in our lives. In this blog I will process some of the more recent circumstances around us that can potentially prevent you from reaching your dream. I see this as a conversation, so I will throw in ideas and I absolutely want you to chime in, give your opinion, comments, or ideas. We can learn from one another’s experience – a sort of collective wisdom that all can benefit from.

Regarding the present economy I read an article in the San Francisco Chronicle (June 1, 2009) with the heading, “Economy in Turmoil – High stress of recession leading some to depression”. Erin Allday writes that the nationwide recession is wreaking havoc on the country’s mental health. Experts are saying that that nearly everyone feels more stressed these days – people are worried about losing their jobs, homes, and livelihood. Others watched their retirement go up in smoke. Dr. David Spiegel, a professor in the department of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Stanford University School of Medicine are quoted in this article as saying, “We’ve seen people in the ER, suicidal or depressed, because they’ve lost their jobs. They have had a whole change in their sense of their self-worth and they don’t see a way out.” He continues to say, “Much more common are people who are realizing, ‘The life I had planned out carefully is different now’…People are feeling helpless.”

What does this mean to you and me pursuing our dream?

There is a possibility that you might begin to fear, become uncertain and anxious about reaching your dream. Fear opens the door for real trouble…especially the effect it has on what you say.

Fear let you say: “I will never reach my goal,” or “It’s over,” and “It’s not worth it.” Once you begin to make these negative declarations over your life, it indeed becomes your reality.

Your behavior will begin to follow the directions of your thoughts and words. Now, I’m not discounting the effects and restraints of the negative economy on your plans for the future, but once you go into fear and negativity you are going to make the circumstances exponentially worse if you don’t watch what you say.

What looked bleak will begin to look hopeless; what appeared to be a challenge now becomes an insurmountable obstacle; what has been difficult becomes impossible. Indeed, concerning the helplessness that people are increasingly experience according to Dr. David Spiegel, you can think and talk yourself right into a mega-helplessness. And off course, helplessness is one of the main breeding grounds for depression.

So what are you to do?

One: stay the course – don’t give up;

Two: Watch what you say – don’t begin to say a bunch of fearful things;

Three: Adjust your plans if need be – being strategic does not mean you give up.

Four: Remember where you are going with your life and the dream you are pursuing – do not lose your sense of direction. This is the time to remind yourself again what you plan to do with your life, remind yourself of your dreams and hopes and make a renewed resolve to get there.

Remember – poor economic times have been known to also give rise to new inventions and great entrepreneurial feats. Remember, some of the greatest entrepreneurial ventures started during the Great Depression in the 1930s in America, just read the story of Hewlett Packard on my website.